Why is it that all things converge upon me whenever I agree to a tight deadline?
One week ago I accepted a new deadline for the filing of my Lizard case, this Monday Dec. 1st. I figured I could devote the week to research and writing, and with a little help from my family, get the complaint done with out killing myself. After all, I had a few models to follow, federal law to deal with, and others to review it once finished. Finally, I can always amend it later if I really, really have to.

So it began.

At first things were peachy. I read the case, researched some FWS publications, and got my mind around the issues. Then I got a sinus infection. I think. I still haven’t had time to visit the doctor to see.

Then Thanksgiving came along, and an old friend was in town so we threw him a little cocktail party.

A giant headache unlike nothing I have ever experienced before (and let me tell, after 21 years of migraines, I have had some doozys) beset me, along with intense sinus pressure and pain. I could barely stand to move, and I was staring at a bright screen for hours on end.

Monday came and Monkey began sniffling, coughing, and raising her internal temperature. Thus, she stayed home sick, adding another ball to juggle while I frantically composed analysis and argument.

However, she was just sick enough to get into trouble, ask for food or drink every 37 seconds, and generally cause a ruckus. Sadly this illness continued through Tuesday as well.

Otter began cutting another tooth, so he forewent solid foods and asked for milk, almost constantly, for four days straight. He also woke up several times a night, every night, and woke up before 6 a.m., pretty much guaranteeing that my brain turned to mush.

Then, two of my other cases had emergent issues arise, resulting in phone calls and work on those files. My contact for my CFI business saw me on Tuesday, which was wonderful, but which also cost several more hours of available work time.

I finished the complaint last night and emailed it off. Today I have to edit it. Tomorrow I plan to sleep for the whole friggin day.

There has to be some way to sneakily set aside time for emergency work. If I tell anyone, or act differently at all, the Universe seems to create a bavarian clusterfuck in my life.

I know, don’t tell me, it’s just another fucking growth opportunity.

No one told me how much of starting a business was social. I have been to so many lunches, dinners, events, et al, just so I could corner a few people at each and promote my practice. It is wearing me out more than the constant droning of law school ever did. I come home each day and I have nothing left to say to anyone.

Right now I am trying to meet a deadline for my Lizard case. I have been reading over Administrative Procedure Act cases looking for something to bolster our argument with, but my sinus infection and resulting headache have made this very difficult to do.

I have a teleconference with the Court in a Domestic Relations case tomorrow morning and I live in fear of oversleeping, failing to hear my phone, and generally not making the call for some reason. I am dropping Monkey off with Nama and Da for delivery to school and Lee is keeping Otter while I run off with my client to a quiet room at the law school and a date with my speaker phone. It is my first such teleconference, and firsts make me nervy.

I am meeting two attorney’s this week who may be willing to mentor me and provide me with overflow work. Someday I hope to be in a position to offer overflow to others, but for now I am looking for work wherever I can. One attorney is a G.A.L. and the other handles preventative forclosure work. Both will give me a chance to make a living helping people, though the foreclosures are an area I have not practiced in before.

I am also going to start a newsletter to send to those in my life who are in a position to recommend me or send me work. I hope sending it out will alert them to the status of my business, and serve as a reminder to funnel things my way whenever they can.

This is an isolating path, but so far, a busy one. I can’t wait to be successful enough to be lonely, working in my office, instead of hitting every networking event I can find. I am running out of clever things to say, and business cards to hand out.

Some people grow leaps and bounds in the gaps between milestones. Some milestones have gaps. Monkey now has a gap in her smile!! After many, many, many months of waiting Monkey has finally lost a tooth!!

Gaps

She was so excited as her tooth loosened. She wandered around the whole day exclaiming “I can’t believe I am about to lose a tooth!” Once she lost it she wandered around proclaiming “I can’t believe I lost a tooth!”. That one has continued.

Of course the Tooth Fairy left her a two dollar bill in a very fancy card. Being a fairy she can’t write anything, but her calling card was a lovely small green square with a silhouette of a fairy on it. I thought it was lovely.

Monkey opened it and proclaimed “Mom!! The tooth fairy has the same stationary you do!!”

I told her that fairies don’t have stationary and therefore she must have borrowed some from me. Oops.

I can’t believe how tiny her little tooth is!

The tiny tooth in the tiny box in the tiny hand.

It makes me all sniffly to see this little itty bitty tooth. My baby just keeps growing up.

One of my favorite parts of parenthood is watching a growing personality take form and shape.

Otter is growing daily into the person he will become. He is trying on attitudes and behaviors, and it is humorous to watch him keep and discard various attitudes. Ever the gooey love baby, he has started handing out open mouthed drooley kisses to people who have earned his favor. We call them “Meh’s” as in “Would you like to give your sister a Meh?” He has also started giving the large carved wooden turtle in my parents living room meh’s, climbing onto a footstool and kissing it over and over again when we visit.

He is carefully testing out tantrums, or at least physical resistance. He will lie down, slowly, on his stomach on the floor and start to complain, looking up at me occasionally to see if it’s having the desired effect. So far I just ask him to tell me when he’s done and ready to move on. He will take a few minutes to lie there and kvetch, but as long as I stay calm and uninterested, he won’t escalate into a full blown scene.

He wandered around my parents house the other day with his hand against his ear, like a cellphone, talking into it loudly for about twenty minutes. He helps me unlock the car door and likes to walk with me without holding hands, listening carefully for my directions as to where to turn or when to stop. He really will listen, and will follow directions. It is very important to him that I let him walk on his own, and he listens in response to my allowing that independence.

He has begun demanding that he sit in a big person chair at dinner and eat with real silverware and a real cup. He will not drink from a sippy, even though he upends his beverage over himself more often than not. He is getting into things more deliberately, and slowly we can see the wheels in his brain twist and turn.

He is straddling the fence between little boy and baby now, and is a fascinating mix between the two. I love this magical age, and this chance to catch glimpses of the man to be. Most importantly, I am glad I have become a mom who will take a breath and take the time to let this personality flourish, whenever I can. I can’t always let him take the extra time to drink from a big cup or try and figure out his own shoes, or eat a bowl of rice one grain at a time with a fork, but I try to whenever I can. These odd behaviors are his first real testing of his place in the world, and allowing him the time to push boundaries is one of the best things I can do to support his growth. My patience is helped by the fact that most of his behaviors make me smile.

This week began a new era for me, my family, and most likely my law practice.

My father, after more than four decades of journalism and 36 years with The Denver Post, retired this past Friday.

He intends to play with his grandchildren and enjoy his first Christmas break in my entire life. I am looking forward to having him with me and the kids as we decorate trees, shop for little gifts, bake cookies, and play in the snow. I am so pleased that I can share this holiday with him, it is the best gift I could ask for.

Next year, he will likely be joining my practice. He may go to law school, he may focus instead on mediation. We are still working out the details. He is going to manage my legal blog, and continue to break down complex legal concepts and legislation for those who wish to read it. I am excited to have such a great person to work with as I follow this often isolating path.

I am proud of his illustrious career in Colorado politics, but I am most proud of his dreams. At 63, his dreams are still going strong. He has worked his whole life, with long days and under stressful conditions, because he had a family to support and other people’s dreams to build. Now, he can work for himself. He gets to do what he wants, on his schedule, on his terms.

My father has supported my dreams for 33 years. He has helped me do everything I have ever wanted to do. Now, finally, I can return the favor.

I love you Dad, you have always been, and will always be, my Hero.

Almost full

A moon for Wereing.

Peeking from the clouds

Thank you all for your messages of support. Things are still quiet here in my practice, but I got a fair amount of legal work done this week, and spoke with a friend who has started a business. He reminded me that two months is nothing starting a business, and I may have a much longer wait ahead of me to see a reward.

Luckily, I have a lot of support.

Maybe it’s being sick, maybe it’s the economy, but today I feel as though nothing I am trying to do is possible.

I am isolated, working from a desk under the stairs to my bedroom, my only daytime interaction with the under 8 crowd. There is no real pay for what I do, no recognition from peers, only an increasingly depressing bank balance, and no end in sight.

Why did I think I could start a practice and care for my kids? How is it possible that three years of killing study, endless pro-bono work, and a mortgage worth of loans could render me less employable then before?

I can’t get a job outside the legal industry, because I am a huge quit risk, clearly likely to leave for a better position as soon as I am offered one. I can’t get a job in the legal industry because I don’t have enough experience, or I focused too much on my family while in school, and didn’t hit the top 10% of my class.

It looks like dark days ahead, and I can’t find the light at the end of the tunnel.

I know I have been given breaks in my life, clearly I have or I wouldn’t be sitting here, highly educated, complaining. However, if I don’t get this final break, a friggin paying job or practice, then those other breaks will mean little.

Stomach bugs suck.

Blogging, work, and family have all taken a backseat to praying to the porcelain goddess.
I hate that after my kids get sick, I get sick. I understand the mechanics behind it, but I don’t appreciate it. One would think spending a week and a half caring for fractious ill offspring would be enough, but nope, it’s not, now I have to have it too. Bleah.

On the upside, Monkey has done very well taking care of her brother while I lie on the tile of my bathroom. She has been entertaining him, finding him snacks, and helping him get by with a bit less mommy. I am lucky to have such a helpful girl.

Otter has become a fastidious baby these days, he has started wiping his mouth with a napkin while he is eating. He takes it very seriously, as it is something all us big people do, and it is adorable to see him grab a napkin and swipe at his mouth in between bites. He is also giving kisses on request now, though we call them “Meh”’s. The statement “Give Nama a Meh Otter!!” will result in wide open drooly baby mouth heading Nama’s way. He is sleeping well in his big boy bed, happy to share a room with sister and have a little more sleeping space to himself. He has even started to self soothe, which I never thought would happen.

Now, if I could only shake this cold, finish the codicil and complaint I am working on, and go back to rainmaking, I might someday have something remotely resembling a practice on my hands. Currently it’s just a sickroom with business cards.

It’s been a while since I posted, as I am recovering from the election and dealing with all that I let pile up during it’s demanding pull. So here is a hodge podge update on life here at Law and Motherhood.
Law: The practice building continues with more contacts made everyday. There are now several family law attorneys in my world who have accepted my information and promised referrals. I have also gotten my resume to the office of the child’s representative and am hoping I can be added to the state pay list early. (Sometimes it happens.) I have also been working on my Lizard case, two divorces, and a trusts and estates case.

I have learned many things, such as, never expect opposing counsel to actually listen to you and take your clients needs into account when writing up a stipulation. Expect to rewrite it to reflect what you discussed with them on the phone, not once, but twice. Expect to feel sorry for the other side when you realize your client is paying you in trade for massage, and they are likely paying hundreds (think 4 or so) of dollars an hour for an attorney who will be able to bill for a) the phone call where you told them what your client would accept, b) the time they spent creating the stipulation that reflects nothing in that phone call, and finally c) the time spent reviewing and editing the new stipulation created by me.

I hate attorneys who pad their billables, especially since I rarely charge for more than 75% of the time I spend on a case. It makes me crazy.

Motherhood: Otter has moved into a big boy bed in the room he shares with his sister. Today we put the bed in place and he is so very proud of himself. He hops on and off of it, lies down on his pillow, and generally beams at everyone.

A cheery big boy room... complete with sleeping boy.

Monkey is pleased to be sharing sleeping arrangements, but is struck down with a majorly awful cold, so she is not getting around much. She was home almost all last week, felt better Friday, adn then was struck down again this morning. Poor girl.

Otter has been communicating more clearly, though he has no intention of speaking anytime soon. He asks for milk by carrying the Boppy to me and tugging on my leg, he asks to go along somewhere by taking his shoes to the door and trying to put them on, he asks for food by holding his hand out and saying “num”. He is so incredibly cute with all his actions, but I don’t expect him to talk soon. His Daddy didn’t talk until he was four.

I have been making pumpkin pie and other comfort foods, and generally loving avoiding everything I have to do. However, it is time to get busy this week. I need to get a lot done for work, so there will be little time for pie, walks, bike rides, and housework.

I became a political creature in my first presidential election, which was 1996, and was a Clinton year. When Bush was elected in 2000, I began to think the system may be broken, and I began to work with those who would fight to protect it. In 2004 I poll watched for FairVote, spending 14 hours in the cold insuring each challenged voter got to cast a provisional ballot, only to see no one count their votes. I assisted attorney’s in suing on behalf of disenfranchised voters in various states in the hopes that some one would be made accountable for the incomprehensible voter suppression and interference I saw around my country. (Such as people printing INS t-shirts and hanging around outside heavily latino polling places.)

Still, the system failed and l began to believe it might not ever work. How could anyone get the apathetic America to get off their couches and vote?

Then Hillary ran for office, and I thought, maybe, just maybe I could be excited about a campaign again. After all, Hill was a great candidate, and the first serious female contender for the presidential candidate. I was sad when she didn’t get the candidacy, though I supported Obama as soon as he did. (As only amnesia would have made me support a republican after the past eight years, that and my family being held hostage by vote influencing thugs.)

Yesterday I spent 14 hours in a polling place with other dems and pubs, insuring every voter who entered was allowed to cast a vote, or sent to the right place, or given a provisional ballot. There weren’t any voters challenged, no one tried to suppress the vote, and I saw some amazing things. They restored my faith in our political system. Though I still feared an inevitable letdown when voting machines would fail or lines would be too long to allow people to cast their votes.

I saw women, many of them, coming in with all their children in tow, preparing to brave long lines with multiple kids to cast their votes. (Luckily we didn’t have any lines and we have a volunteer who made hundreds of origami cranes to hand out to the kids.) I saw young voters, newly 18 with registration cards in hand, coming to make a choice for the first time. I saw grandmothers and grandfathers casting their vote for the first time, bringing their children and grandchildren, all recently registered, to cast a vote and make a statement. They all asked intelligent questions about the ballot initiatives, requested sample ballots, and spent 20 minutes to half an hour reading over each ballot choice before casting their vote.

I saw a pregnant woman deliver her mail in ballot on the way to delivering her baby.

I saw a voter who had failed to sign the pollbook in the morning on his way to work come all the way back from Fort Collins to put his signature down so his vote would be counted. (Luckily one of the election judges knew him and way able to call and tell him he had missed that crucial step.)

My election judges worked hard. They asked me and the republican poll watcher what our interpretations of the voting rules were, talked over disagreements, called for help when they needed it, and worked together to get our voters a ballot. They called the county clerk for over half of the voters whose registrations were missing from the poll books. The voters waited patiently for resolution, happy to sit for an hour while we sat on hold, just wanting to cast their vote.

When I came home, after a grueling but wonderful day, to discover that the system had actually worked, that there weren’t any suspicious reasons for a huge disparity in the exit polls and the elected candidate, I started to tear up. When I realized Obama won, I cried with disbelief and hope, and when I saw how much he won, how many people he inspired to vote, I cried with joy. Barack Obama has organized the American community and reminded us how it is supposed to work. We aren’t supposed to leave voting to the few, we are supposed to speak with millions of voices, from all areas of our nation’s demographics. We are a nation of the people, all the people.

He was not my first choice for president, but he is the best choice. This man can heal us, he can make us remember who we are, and he can bring out the beautiful in our America. I do not believe any other candidate could have done what he has done. I am proud to call him my president.